Sunday, December 21, 2014

Uncaring Father

Today I am linking up with More than Cheese and Beer. Our word prompt is "father". 


 When I think of the word 'father', nothing positive comes to mind. I wish I had fond memories of my father, but I do not. 

 Instead of writing a long, boring post about how I was abused at his drunken hands, I'll let a poem I wrote speak for me. 



"Uncaring Father 

How dare you help create me, and then just walk out on me?
Never once did you try to make me a part of your new family. 

Instead I was an outcast, I was never good enough. 
I could never please you, never earn your fatherly love. 

But your hatred and resentment was as clear as the light of day. 
I saw in your eyes every single time you looked my way. 

I felt it with the beatings you felt I so richly deserved. 
It was in your voice every time you ever uttered a word. 

Yet  I was desperate for your love, for your acceptance of me. 
But your heart held no love..it was dark , cold and empty. 

Instead of allowing your cruelty to turn me into a person like you, 
I became better, I'm able to love..which was more than you could ever do." 



 Even at the ripe age of 38, I still have a deep fear of rejection. I guess it stems from my father, I'm not sure. But I do know it's something I have struggled with my entire life and I'm still learning to deal with it. I'm trying my best to overcome it. I don't want the way my father treated me to write the story of my life. I do not want him to have any control over me anymore. Maybe I can finally be free of his cold grasp one day. 



5 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing with us. Everything that you have had to overcome has made you who you are today and I think you are pretty great!! <3 You are so strong for choosing to be open and able to love after dealing with that. You rock!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Your ability to love and the strength you possess to move forward is amazing. Thank you for sharing a part of your soul.

    Love to you πŸ’•

    ReplyDelete
  3. Beautiful haunting words in your poem. I applaud you for finding your love of your family to heal your heart. πŸ’—

    ReplyDelete
  4. Wow! What an incredibly poignant poem. I thought your words were beautiful even if the sentiment behind it was far from that. Sending hugs. I am glad you have a family of your own to teach you true love! How lucky they are to have YOU.

    ReplyDelete