Sunday, December 21, 2014

Uncaring Father

Today I am linking up with More than Cheese and Beer. Our word prompt is "father". 

 When I think of the word 'father', nothing positive comes to mind. I wish I had fond memories of my father, but I do not. 

 Instead of writing a long, boring post about how I was abused at his drunken hands, I'll let a poem I wrote speak for me. 

"Uncaring Father 

How dare you help create me, and then just walk out on me?
Never once did you try to make me a part of your new family. 

Instead I was an outcast, I was never good enough. 
I could never please you, never earn your fatherly love. 

But your hatred and resentment was as clear as the light of day. 
I saw in your eyes every single time you looked my way. 

I felt it with the beatings you felt I so richly deserved. 
It was in your voice every time you ever uttered a word. 

Yet  I was desperate for your love, for your acceptance of me. 
But your heart held no was dark , cold and empty. 

Instead of allowing your cruelty to turn me into a person like you, 
I became better, I'm able to love..which was more than you could ever do." 

 Even at the ripe age of 38, I still have a deep fear of rejection. I guess it stems from my father, I'm not sure. But I do know it's something I have struggled with my entire life and I'm still learning to deal with it. I'm trying my best to overcome it. I don't want the way my father treated me to write the story of my life. I do not want him to have any control over me anymore. Maybe I can finally be free of his cold grasp one day.