Today I am linking up with More than Cheese and Beer. Our word prompt is "father".
When I think of the word 'father', nothing positive comes to mind. I wish I had fond memories of my father, but I do not.
Instead of writing a long, boring post about how I was abused at his drunken hands, I'll let a poem I wrote speak for me.
How dare you help create me, and then just walk out on me?
Never once did you try to make me a part of your new family.
Instead I was an outcast, I was never good enough.
I could never please you, never earn your fatherly love.
But your hatred and resentment was as clear as the light of day.
I saw in your eyes every single time you looked my way.
I felt it with the beatings you felt I so richly deserved.
It was in your voice every time you ever uttered a word.
Yet I was desperate for your love, for your acceptance of me.
But your heart held no love..it was dark , cold and empty.
Instead of allowing your cruelty to turn me into a person like you,
Even at the ripe age of 38, I still have a deep fear of rejection. I guess it stems from my father, I'm not sure. But I do know it's something I have struggled with my entire life and I'm still learning to deal with it. I'm trying my best to overcome it. I don't want the way my father treated me to write the story of my life. I do not want him to have any control over me anymore. Maybe I can finally be free of his cold grasp one day.