Monday, August 18, 2014

Why You No Like Me, Sleep?

  This is my issue with sleep. He's a crazy stalker-like dude. Yes, I've deemed sleep to be a man, because he's an asshole. Just go with it, would ya? 

  Sleep creeps in my mind at least ten times a day. I mean, this dude just will not effin leave! He doesn't take the damn hint that I have a toddler who's wide awake and seems to have more energy than three kids combined. I'm now convinced that said toddler sucked my energy from me as well. 

  So then I finally cave in and start pondering about sleep. Cause that's what stalkers do. They just beat you down until you go along with them. At first you get pissed they are there, then you start kinda liking having them around.  

  Anyhow, the instant my own version of the energizer bunny collapses at night, sleep runs from me like the cops just caught him jacking off while looking in my window. In other words, he's no where to BE FOUND. 

  Suddenly, this annoying asshole who had been bothering me all damn day is no where to be found!! It's like he vanished into thin air! 

   I then find myself laying in bed for well over two hours, waiting on him to return. Did the jerk get lost on his way back?! Was he kidnapped by aliens? Maybe he was getting probed right that second!! Why the hell is he taking so long?! It's just like a damn man to take his own sweet time! This dude better hope he's dead. 

  Then out of no where, BAM! He shows back up. But by then I'm so pissed that he didn't even bother to call or text me ,I ignore him. That'll teach him! 

  He whispers his usual promises of sweet slumber in my ear, so I give in. Hey, he promised me eight hours of this sweet stuff! I'm only human. I cave in. Every. Single. Time. 

  Yet,  only after an hour of his promises of fulfilling my needs, the bastard runs off. I'm starting to think he's seeing someone else. Oh yeah, sure he returns. But only long enough to tease me. It's like he's falling out of love with me, like he can hardly tolerate being in my presence any longer. 

  He only gives me a tiny taste of what I need. Here's my question to you, sleep.. 

 Why you no like me? 



  1. Fucking sleep! This is the story of my life and this is why when I am told I am allowed to take a nap. I do it! Nap or no nap I am usually up all night.. regardless of how exhausted I was all day!! *sigh* that teasing bastard!

  2. I liked the angle you took. The older I get the less sleep I get.

  3. Well said! I adore sleep, but it doesn't want to be with me.

  4. Oh I miss sleep so much. Half the time I fall asleep on the floor of my kids room while I'm singing them their nighttime songs. They get REAL quiet so I'll just stay there, and half the time my husband is playing his video game (yes, he's over 40 yrs old. Sorry ladies, he's taken) so no one wakes me and I lay for an hour or so. Then I can FINALLY go to bed, and I just lay there awake like WTF?
    I started listening to audiobooks, it's like someone is reading to me and eventually I nod off because my mind stops wandering off randomly. Good luck! I hope you and your lover Sleep work out your differences and ride off into the sunset Happily Ever After in a car w/tin cans tied to the back and "JUST MARRIED" written on the rear windshield like an olde timey movie.