I'm writing this because some things are just so hard to say.
When ever I try to speak, my tears always get in the way.
I'm really not sure where to even start.
I guess I should begin by saying, I love you with all of my heart.
The thought of not having you.. it rips me in two.
I'm just not ready to let go of you.
But that seems so selfish for me to even say.
Because I can't imagine how you must feel day to day.
Every time I hear you cry, it's like a part of me is dying inside.
I nearly choke on my anguish, and I want to run and hide.
I don't want to face what I know is surely to come in time.
I don't want to even picture you gone from my life.
If I could somehow take away the pain you feel every day,
I'd do it in an instant.. I would make it all go away.
If I could heal you with my love, I'd do that too.
If I could take away your fears, I'd take them all from you.
Every day I wonder, is this it? Is the day my life will change?
That's always in my mind, and it's driving me insane.
But this shouldn't be all about me, it should be about you.
I just never know what to say, I don't know what to do.
I want to lay my head on your chest, and hear you say it's all right.
I want to scream and yell for you to not give up! To please fight!
I can't even fully express how badly I hurt for you all the time.
Even now I am blinded by tears, it seems like I'm always crying.
I don't know how you do it, mom. You are the strongest woman I know.
Through out all of this, you've hardly let your fear show.
I can't begin to understand the decisions you've been forced to make.
I can't comprehend the hurt you must feel, the fear or the pain.
But what I do know, is that you mean the world to me.
And without you here, my heart will feel empty.
I'm sorry mom, for all the stupid things I said as a kid.
I'm sorry for any pain I ever caused, any bad thing I ever did.
But mostly, I'm sorry I can't help you now.. I can't change all this.
I can't stop time, turn it back, or erase it all with a wish.
I just want you to know one last thing, before I bring this to an end.
You are not just a mother to me, you're also my best friend.
I hope you never feel alone, because you are not.
Even hundreds of miles away, I'm right there.. In your heart.