Sunday, June 1, 2014

Sunday Confessions: Rejection

 Today's topic is about rejection and although I have experienced a lot of that in my life, the one person that rejected me and hurt me the most, was my father. 

That's been on my mind quite a bit lately. Especially with Father's Day coming up in a couple weeks, and with the issues with my mom, who was forced to be a dad and a mom to me. 

My mom divorced my dad when she was pregnant with me. I only saw him a few times as a child. He moved on and found a new family. 

 When I was 12, my father took a sudden interest in me. A man that had never cared for me before, suddenly wanted me around him. 

 I was thrilled. In my young mind, I thought my dad loved me and wanted me around him so we could bond. 

Little did I know, I was about to experience the worst emotional, physical, mental and sexual abuse imaginable. 

I ask myself now, why did I allow it to continue for so long? Why didn't I tell someone sooner? Why did his acceptance mean so much to me? 

I wish I knew the answers to that. Even now, I do not. 
I do know what he put me through made me the type of person I am now. 

 Abusing someone, or even an animal, is not in me. I can't even say cruel things to anyone. I know first hand how badly it hurts. Instead, I try to always show kindness. To show love. To show acceptance. 

As some of you know, I write poetry as well. Below you'll find a poem I wrote for my father. Writing is the only release I have. It's what kept me from going insane. 

"How dare you help create me, and then just walk out on me?
Never once did you try to make me a part of your new family. 

Instead I was an outcast, I was never good enough. 
I could never please you, never earn your fatherly love. 

But your hatred and resentment was as clear as the light of day. 
I saw in your eyes every single time you looked my way. 

I felt it with the beatings you felt I so richly deserved. 
It was in your voice every time you ever uttered a word. 

Yet  I was desperate for your love, for your acceptance of me. 
But your heart held no was dark , cold and empty. 

Instead of allowing your cruelty to turn me into a person like you, 
I became better, I'm able to love..which was more than you could ever do. "

I will end my post with this: Rejection hurts. I don't care who you are or how old you are, it's painful and it's tough to deal with. 


  1. I'm so sorry this happened to you. How incredibly brave you are for surviving it and sharing your story. I've had my own struggles with my father (not to this extent) and have toyed with the idea of writing about them since there is something freeing about "confessing'. You've given me a little extra push. Thanks for sharing. ~Maura @ Play Pen; The Irreverent Parents' Guide

  2. Thank you for once again baring your soul! I love reading your writing because it is always so honest and open. I am sorry for all your struggles. But I am glad to know the person that they have created. Cuz you are awesome. And so worthy of love.

  3. I love and hate this post. Love what you did with it, hate what you went through.

    Beautiful writing as always.

    He's the idiot that missed out on a real relationship with a beautiful soul. I'm glad you still hold love in your heart and share it with those in your life who deserve it ♡